You're never ready for surgery, really. You say you are, you say I can't wait to heal and be done with this, but the truth is, I don't want to go through this at all. It is totally terrifying to me. Anyone who says different is lying! I mean, unless you truly dont know any better, which in my case, I feel like I know way to much. Too much for my own good! Too much for everyone's own good!
Jump ahead:
11 am Dr. office Monday Morning. Have wire place in "good" breast so they can define all of the margins of the biopsy that came back negative. Hmmmm, sounds easy right? Wrong! That breast still hurts, this is going to suck!
After procedure, please go straight to the surgery center, so we can get you ready for 3pm. Really? You want me to sit for at least 3 hours waiting at the surgery center. I remind her of all of my anxiety and neuroses and she assures me they can give me "something" to calm me. A Margarita Machine better be one of them! IV insertion for sure, along with anesthesia education and consent, followed by tons of material I have to know about rehab and my new tissue expanders for my new breasts that I will get in about 2-3 months.
Again, this sucks! Im usually on the other end explaining all of this information to patients and their families. This is all new to me so I will listen, but I'm still pissed about it. Not to mention, the scariest part of it all, the L word! Dont even want to say it out loud. The dissection and notification of my Lymph nodes. This will determine whether or not chemo (hate that word too) will be in my very near future. Excited to get rid of cancer(there's another one!) but also scared to have chemo in my body! This is totally out of my control, for which I always think I am in for those of you who do not know me all that well;)
It is 1:50 pm. I am going to go and grill out with the family. I will watch a good movie and I will say goodbye to a part of my body I have known for 42 years. Sad? Maybe, but Im getting new perfect ones, and women do this everyday, right? Oh, well, so what. I have a date later with Mr. Ativan and then nothing to eat or drink after Midnight. That will not be a problem as I havent' been eating anyway.
Monday surgery, Tuesday starts the healing process, STAY POSITIVE! That is my motto!!!!Keep sending me those prayers, and send me a note once in a while so I have something to read!! TTYL Kathy
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Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI have kept my promise to pray (and curse the sickness) every day for you, Paul, the kids, and the doctors and nurses who will guide you through this. Most of all, I pray for peace (the kind that passes all understanding). I had a kid come to my door selling something and ended up talking with him for 1/2 hour about his health trials (in the past). He is a miracle to say the least and he told me that the scripture that he leaned on every day was, "Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. My personal favorite: "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the Glory of God?" John: 11:40. He loves you -- give it all to Him cause He is more than able.
It's Cathy, not Ry but I am sure you figured that out.
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