Soooooooooo now what?

Well alot has happened since my last post. I have officially ended Radiation therapy. Little victories for me are always good! I have recently as of this week,seen and spoken to 3 of my Dr.s, and all the news was good. I am going to have to wait another 6 weeks to have my reconstruction done, but hey, no biggie. I am keeping busy with the holiday season and playing volleyball and attending my daughters cheer. I also started working out everyday! I will do yoga or aerobics or kickboxing; something daily to keep my interest and keep me healthy.
I also gave up meat! I know! I did eat a little today, chicken, but it did not taste very good and I did not finish it. I tried, I really did.
As for work, I do not have a set date to go back but I am thinking February. I will have to discuss the details with my boss, but this looks to be promising for me.
Hope everyone has a blessed Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
Kathy

This is a test

Well, alot has happened since my last posting.
I did celebrate my 43rd birthday. It was actually a very pretty day. I started off waking up and saying good morning to my family and then.......I got a phone call. My Aunt Joan had passed away that very morning around 5:30. Hmmmm, on my Birthday? I can't tell you how many bad things over the years have happened on or around my birthday, but they have. I wont bore you with the details, but come on! 43 is going to be a great year with many more to come and then this! Not only did this happen, but my neighbor and cardiologist who I work with, also died! Two people, 2, died on my birthday! I have to say, God is testing me. Is he? I don't know, but I sure do listen! I know that I can't take one single moment for granted anymore, and I know that every day is a blessing.
I have been doing and going anywhere that anyone invites me to, within reason. So I went to the Greenwood Marching Band's State Finals at Lucas Oil Stadium. I had never been and it was actually quite fun and I loved the music from the many bands that performed. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as we get outside to leave, there was a funeral precession! Have I mentioned that I get stopped by one about once a week since diagnosis? Well, I have! I also run into and or am forced to run into people who are worse off than me on a regular basis. We are talking, oxygen tanks, other chemo patients, wheelchair bound children and the list goes on. I know this may seem like nothing to you, but when I leave my house, I brace myself for whatever I am about to see, literally! I know God is doing this for a reason. I also have eliminated some friends on Facebook, why? Well, I don't always want to hear about someone who is sick or died or has "C" or how much they still miss that person. I don't think FB is the place for that. I use it to keep up with family and friends and have a little fun. Not the Obits, just my thought.
So, I am glad I got that off of my chest! Whew!
All and all, I feel great. My back is a little sore from beginning to work out again and from dancing for 3 hours Friday night with a bunch of Survivors! We celebrated life and ate and drank and danced all night. I expected to sit and mingle, but instead, I had so much fun!
This week, well, I have radiation everyday at 3pm. Tuesday, I am getting together with my poker buddies in the hood and we are playing poker on a Tuesday night and watching the Final table of the WSOP! How fun is that? We will pick from the remaining nine players and hope, just hope I pick the winner! We put in 5 bucks and just have fun and food and friendship! Thursday, I have dinner with the Merry Crazies! Its a group of women who have had the "C" but we are non-traditional in our support system. We dine, drink and celebrate victories in our life; last day of chemo, new boobs, etc.....you get the picture. Friday, I hope to play Euchre and then of course, Saturday, we hope to play Poker, but I am not so sure of the remaining weekends left. Things are getting very busy around here.
Brad will be coming hope this weekend also, and we will definitely need to do something with him and the kids, but only if they want to do something with us! lol
Well, have a great day and God Bless!
Kathy

So long Port!

Hah! So a lot has happened to me since my last post. I have felt soooo good that I just forgot to add anything here. As you know I did receive my last chemo. My hair is coming back, but it looks really bad! Picture Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree on top of my head! Seriously sparse, but non-the-less, hair.
I also have been trying to stay active and tone up my muscles again. I played tennis and , I think, I did pretty well. I played for over an hour and then I went to my first appt. with the Radiation Oncologist the very next day. There, I found out that playing tennis is probably not the best thing to do since I could develop lymphedema from the repetitive motion of tennis! Argh! I loved it and my thighs were hurting so bad the next day, what a great workout!
The very next day after that appt., I had my port taken out! Yay! I arrived at 8am for the pre-surgery crap; I.V., signing of the consents, meet the anesthesiologist, etc..... I of course, loved the meds they gave me and tried to hang on in the O.R.! When I did awake, I had some steri strips on my left shoulder/subclavian area and some surgi glue. All went well and my surgeon told Paul that I am not allowed to vacuum for at least two years! She meant two weeks! We all had a good laugh at that one!
So that brings me to taday. Today at 1pm, I will go to my very first radiation set up. I will get a Cat Scan to map out my anatomy for the radiation treatments. I was a mess last week after my first consultation, but I am better today with a better frame of mind. I am better and I know it and I feel great and that is all I can say! I will go in there with my big girl panties and take it like a big girl! The room is kind of creep, I won't lie. I had them give me a tour of the joint before I left last week. Evryone was at lunch and they seemed pretty open to entertaining me! The room is dimly lit with a very medicinal table in the middle of it with a pillow area to cradle my head. Then the gigantic arm of a machine will rotate over me and deliver the 600 million megawatts of radiation to the areas that are necessary; chest wall and any remaining lymph nodes. Just to put it into perspective, a chest xray has only 560 kilawatts to it! Yes, I asked, OK? Who wouldn't? haha So the Dr. said that I have a great attitude to get throuh radiation and that is what is needed, so I got that going for me.
OK, last thought? Tomorrow is my 43RD Birthday! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be turning another year older. This happens when you fear for your life or have ever been told any devestating news that may potentially threaten your life. I will never, ever complain about turning another year older and if I hear anyone else doing it, then shame on them! It could be worse! Have a great day!
God Bless!
Kathy

Goodbye chemo, hello Radiation!?

Well, Tuesday was here and gone quite quickly! I woke up, and was out the door to have my labs drawn at 7:30. Back home and awaiting the arrival of my brother Al from Cincy, I decide I am going to have a small cup of coffee; I haven't had one since Hawaii! It was OK, I made the Hawaiian coffee I saved from the trip. There is something different but I don't know what it is....hmmmm, perhaps I have lost my taste for coffee?

Al showed up around 9:15 and we chatted a bit, went to Starbucks and then headed off to chemo. I like my oncologist, but her office is so dreary, it really is. I'm thinking she needs to hire me to paint and decorate it, at least in the treatment rooms. Anyway, AL and I settle in, still in disbelief that I am actually here receiving my last treatment. We notice other patients milling about and I honestly don't think I belong here and neither does Al! On we go. My nurse Humm comes in and is ready to access the port for the LAST time! She has a lovely British accent that Al and I both are dying to try to copy once she leaves the room. She manages to access my port without any difficulty, hooray! 3 premeds in and then onto the last dose of Taxol! Al and I catch u p on things and plan some lunch. Now what do you think we should not get to eat in a tiny room for chemo surrounded by many other tiny rooms? Yep, you guessed it, we got the stinkiest gyros, full of garlic and tzaziki sauce. We stunk up that whole office for sure! Humm came in after lunch and closed our door claiming we were too "loud" but we all know it was because the room smelled so bad of garlic! haha Al and I ended up playing three card poker for $.25 a hand; soon I owed him 16 bucks, but I won it back later on!

well, the treatment was over and I was ready to get the heck out of there! Out came the needle and out side to breathe in the fresh air and beautiful day. Al pulls out a gift from the trunk in celebration of my last chemo day! A surprise from Ellen and Al and their kids. I will love it forever, as I did the first one I got just a few short months prior. We drove back to my house and decided we were going to get pizzas for dinner, so that is exactly what we did. BJ's pizza for us and Dominoes for the kiddos, their choice not mine!

So, how do I feel about all of this you may wonder? Well, a little scared, I mean the chemo was killing or killed any remaining cancer, so hopefully it did its job! I know it did its job, actually because I feel so terrific. In fact, while at the office, my oncologist gave me the OK to join the church volleyball league for the next 6 weeks. I am really looking forward to it! Lots of energy and well, I just feel good. The next phase is Radiation. Starts on or around the 19Th. I do have a couple of apt.s in between to see my surgeons to get my port out and to evaluate my reconstruction and what not. All things are going well and as planned if not a little slower than I had anticipated! No worries though, I am taking full advantage of my time off by getting some much needed things done around the house and visiting with friends and family.

Well, my parents are on there way in via Greyhound Bus Line from Hammond; that's right I said Bus! I hope there trip is going smoothly! I will meet them downtown Indy at 3pm to take them back to Greenwood.
Have a blessed day!
Kathy

Had a great week.....

You know your feeling better when you are trying to find more things to do around the house! I am feeling better every day. I am approaching the last day of chemo on Tuesday. My brother is coming in for the last treatment. I avoided buying a hat today based on the fact that my hair will be growing back and I wont need one anymore. In fact, a little fuzz is growing back already. It looks awkward and scraggily, and kind of ill looking, but none the less, it's hair.

I talked with my Dr.s on the phone this week as I just wanted to touch base with them and figure out when I am getting my port out. This will happen soon. I am going to ask my oncologist to call my surgeon and set it up asap! It is gross and creepy, but it was very well served.

I ended up playing cards this weekend with friends, as usual. I say as usual, because I love playing, but some of my friends are getting a bit burned out, and want to do other things....so, that stinks for me! I look forward to playing after sitting home alone all week when everyone is at school or work.

Today, shortly after I woke up, I went for a long ride in the country. It was a great day; sunny and brisk. I just felt like getting out of the house but not to the mall! I was there yesterday for a bit and wow, there were too many people there for me! I listened to Seriously Sinatra on my Sat. radio and had the best time, seriously. When I came home, I was hungry, so I made pork tacos with all of the fixings and taco rice. It was delicious!
Off to bed as I have absolutely nothing planned for tomorrow! haha
God Bless,
Kathy

2nd to last chemo.........

Wow! It has been nearly 2 weeks since my last post! I am definitely felling better. I am counting down the days now for my last treatments. This makes me both happy and a little aprehensive. Could it be that the chemo gave me a security blanket? The dreaded chemo, with the accessing the port and hot flashes, this gave me some kind of safety net, knowing that it was eliminating any traces of cancer left in my body. In three weeks, the chemo will be over with and I will start on the radiation. Scared? Not at all. Irritated? Yes! I understand that the mapping out of my body will take some time and this is very irritating to me to say the least. However, I do have to look at the BIG picture, right? I do want this port out of my chest and this will happen sooner than later; I hate this thing!
So I am off today at 9:40 for treatment with a good friend DeeAnn. She is a trooper! I will also have dinner delivered to my family from a good friend from work, Robinn. Thanks to both of you, it truly means alot.
Ok, off to tidy up and do a few chores around the house before go time.
God Bless!
Kathy

2 down, 2 to go.......

I finished with my second round of Taxol. My friend Faith escorted me to chemo. It was quite uneventful, my nurse got the port, I got lots of drugs and sedation to ward off any reaction and then we thumbed through magazines and chatted. She was a real trooper because it was boring in that tiny room. Thanks Faith!

I have caught a cold. I had it on Tuesday during treatment and it has escalated. I now think I have a sinus infection, but I'm on antibiotics already, I hope they kick in. This would be the reason I wake up at 5:30 in the morning, because I am so stuffed up I can't breathe!

I had a busy week also. Right after chemo on Tuesday, I had to take Curtis to the Dr. for his back. Everything is OK but he needs PT, go figure. He will be driving himself there, thankfully. Rachel also went to the Dr. for her shoulder. MRI pending! To much repetitive cheer and stunts has made her shoulder very loose and too flexible. She has a little pain but he is afraid she tore something. We shall find out next week. Brad has a cold and a very weird room mate. We hope this semester flies by for him and that he gets a new roomie next semester.

So it is early Saturday morning, and it is brisk outside, I love Fall weather. I am not sure what I am doing today, but I want to play cards later or corn hole....hmmmm any takers? Have a great Saturday!
God Bless,
Kathy

6 down and 2 to go!

So it is 3:30 in the morning and once again the 50mg of Benadryl IV made me soooo sleepy during the day that I am now u upright in the night! I loaded the dishwasher that no one else seemed to get to and fed the dogs. The dogs are going to be off a little today also.
I did have my 6th treatment yesterday at 10 am and good friend Faith was my co-pilot for this one. She did great and kept me company and the time seemed to fly by, thank goodness. She treated me to a delicious tuna subway sammie with tons of veggies, on whole wheat of course. We chatted and did some much needed catching up on our lives and gossip. It was nice to hang out with her. After the treatment, which by the way, went smoothly, she took me home in a hurry so I wouldn't miss taking Curtis to his Dr. appt. for his back. Yep, home at 2:45, in the car at 2:50, and off we went. Curtis drove as I dozed off and on for the short 10 minute jaunt. No cracks in back but he does have a deep bruise to the left lower back where he fell on a flower pot! Physical therapy to help release this huge knot and we are good! Rachel is next on Friday for her shoulder, wish us luck!
So, earlier last week I saw my plastic surgeon. He was pleased with is work as usual. He and I chatted as I was looking at my cell phone for dates, last treatment dates that is. I informed him of my last chemo and what is to be my last radiation, so we could coordinate the surgery. He very matter of fact told me that he wouldn't be touching me until after the new year! What!@#$*? I was mad. He said that he wants to give my skin a chance to heal and stretch after radiation, so , that is what we are doing. However, my oncologist said yesterday, that I can have my prot out any time after my last chemo treatment! These words were magical to me as I hate, hate, hate this item in my chest! Hate it! My English nurse was able to access it yesterday, with a bit of difficulty, but IO didn't feel it because she numbed it up for me; nice!
Ok, I am going to go and watch a movie, yes I am really, and then by the time it is over, the kids and Pual will be getting up to start their days!
God Bless,
Kathy

Friday September 3rd

Well, I saw my plastic surgeon on Wednesday this week and he gave me good and bad news. The good news is that I look and feel fantastic, the bad news is, I have to wait 2 months after radiation to get the rest of my surgery completed; 2 months! I did not expect that. He says that because radiation shrinks tissue, he wants to make sure that everything is healed and where it should be before doing anyting cosmetic; makes sense but still ticks me off!
I guess I wont be going back to work until January, or February now.
Everything else is the same; still cleaning, purging of things I dont use, and redecorating some rooms. Im not doing anything major, just some paint.
Busy day ahead of me and by busy I mean laying around!
Have a great day and God bless!

! week after receiving Taxol; new chemo

Well, I must say that I have breezed through the first round of chemo with the greatest of ease; not so much iwth the second agent Taxol. Now, it is not that bad but on Thirsday after chemo, my lower legs ached so bad I could hardly walk! I ended up having to take some pain pills, as the Dr. recommended, to get to sleep. So, all and all, Thursday and Friday were bad days, however, the rest of it was fine! I will only focus on the good days from now on!
I do have to avoid crowds and monitor my outings as this chemo suppresses my bone marrow and will make me more suseptible to catching germs; yuck! Those of you who are fortunate to know me all to well, already know that I am somewhat of a germaphobe! Shocking I know! I had to go this morning to get a CBC; complete blood count, to make sure that I am not to suppressed. I of course, avoided everyone in the waiting room and went very early as to avoid the afternoon crowds, crazy lady here! So I will call Dr. Meyer office later today to make sure I am ok, well, lab wise that is!
This week I am trying to tie up a few loose ends and get a little done around the house. Painting is on the agenda, but I think I am going to call up a friend and see if he can come by and give me an estimate. I need the kitchen and the downstairs bath painted stat!
OK, I must go as a freind from Cincy is on her wway and I look a wreck!
God Bless!
Kathy

Feeling good!

Tomorrow, I will be having my first treatment of a new agent; Taxol. This is the first of 4 and I will be doing the countdown! I only have 4 treatments left, then radiation. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I cannot wait to have this all behind me.
I went to an informal cheer meeting tonight and just found out that one of the other Mom's is going through some medical issues of her own. She was so helpful to me in my time of need and I want to be there for her in her time of need. You are in my prayers!
Well, not much to say tonight and I still have a lot of laundry to do. I am trying to keep busy and organized but somehow, it never stays that way!
God Bless!
Kathy

I know, I know

By now you've probably thought that I was never returning to enter another post; well I am. I have been busy to say the least. Rachel and Curtis back to school and Brad leaving in the morning for Boiler Country! I will miss him but I am also excited for him.
I try to keep a bright perspective on things at all times; I do not let the devil in any more! I really mean that too. I have learned that being positive is just plain good for you, and that being negative and passing judgement can harm us. I know, I know, but it's true.
Take for instance, my having chemo on Monday; I am looking forward to it as it will help heal me and remove any remain cancer that may have been missed. I truly believe there isn't any, but you never know, and I don't want to take that chance.
I am trying for the first time in my life to read the Bible also. It is very challenging for me, still, I make time in my life everyday for a little bit.
I also am trying very hard not to pass judgement on people, as they are all God's children. If this is too deep, please stop now, however, these are the thoughts that are going through my mind, and I need to be more positive and less negative. No more worries either; they are in God's hands. I grew up worrying and was taught to worry, but the new philosophy is not to. It is very cleansing to me. I truly do not sweat the little things as I know in the grand scheme of things, they are just that, little. Worry leads to anxiety and right now I need to stay calm.
I talked with a very good old friend tonight and all I can say is how wonderful it was to hear from him! We talked and caught up on the High school Reunion that I just missed. I missed a good time, but I will be at the next gathering they have. He informed me of some diet practices that I was truly not aware of and I am going to try. I want to be healthier and live a long life. Why not try it? I will be going to Barnes and Noble tomorrow to locate the book on my to do list now!
Anyway, life is good and I feel very blessed as usual. I will never take another day for granted like I used to.
My Dad used to wake up in the morning and say, "What a great day it is today, isn't it?" I never thought much of it until recently, but he has the right attitude upon rising. Be thankful for everyday and tell someone about it. That is what I am going to be doing from now on! I know, I know, but this is where I am right now!
God Bless,
Kathy

4th round of chemo

Goodbye Red Devil and Cytoxan and hello to Taxol? Well, the Dr. says it may not be as bad as the first rounds were, but then handed me an information sheet with all of the side affects and lets just say,, it doesn't sound good! I can handle it though, I really can.
Today, the port was accessed with the greatest of ease and then the Euchre ensued! Laurie and I partnered up and Margaret and Debi were partners. Laurie and I "2" and Margaret and Debi "0"! It was big fun and I forgot I was even getting chemo. I did miss The Price Is Right, but don't worry, I taped it!
We went to Panera afterward and I had a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup. Yummy!I am now home and ready for a nap. Getting sleepy but trying to fight it. I had trouble sleeping yesterday and I don't want to get turned around.
I am sitting here thinking, how am I going to do these next four rounds of chemo? I am scared as they have different side affects and one of them, is, well, I won;t say; but it is scary to say the least. It is still all a big nightmare, right? I can't be going through this, not me.. I know your not supposed to say that because what you're really saying is why not someone else instead of me; but that isn't what I mean at all. I treat everyday like a blessing, I really do. I don't sweat the small stuff and I live my the saying,"Everything happens for a reason", I just haven't figured this one out yet.
Oh, ya, I almost forgot; I was telling my Dr. about the 2 bike rides I did this week and she wasn't happy with me at all. She was concerned that the heat was going to get to me. I tried to reassure her and then she asked if I had my helmet on. Any guesses with all of my hotflashes what the anwser was? Well, that didn't go as well as I had hoped.
God bless,
Kathy

Another Great Weekend!

Well, the time has come for another round of chemo. Yuck, I dread Mondays now! However, I do look at it like one more bullet in the cancer and that gives me great relief!
We had a very busy weekend; Rachel had cheer camp and Paul and I had 2, 2 nights of poker! It was big fun for me as I won Friday night! I beat Brad, he came in second and in the cash, but he was pretty mad for not eliminating me earlier in the game! We swam and had a cookout also, which was so relaxing and refreshing. I have been in a constant state of hot flashes since, well, the last chemo round!
I will go and get my labs done in the morning and then my neighbors are taking me to breaskfast and then to chemo where we will play Euchre until finished. I am really looking forward to this as really any card game is enjoyable to me.
My sister-in-law will pay me a visit from TN on Tuesday to help me out. I told her that I really don't require to much now help but she will be there for me when I need it. I'm mostly just tired after chemo. I think she and I will have big fun just hanging out and doing whatever it is we want. We of course will try and do some cards on Friday while she is in town as she is a card shark also.
Well, Im going to call my cousin in the DC area to check in on her and thank her for the wonderful gift basket she sent me. I kmnow, I meant to do that earlier, but I lost her number and just aquired it again!
God Bless,
Kathy

It's Friday!

Ok, Im up early today! Rachel has cheerleading camp. I will drop her off and then go straight to Starbucks for a Mocha Frappacino. Yep, they are tasty and they cool my stomach off and give me my caffeine fix for the day! Well, except I will get another one after 2pm for half price; is this why Im gaining weight? I am going to go on a bike ride today also. I figure, while I feel well, I may as well do it, but I wont push myself, just a nice and easy bike ride.

I have felt better this week compared to last. I actually cleaned my floors yesterday and I am still purging all of the clutter out of my house. It feels good. The next room today will be Curtis's, and yes he is going to help me. His room won't be too bad though.

I ran into Laura from work at Kroger yesterday. It was good to see her. She wished me well and she will let everyone know how I am doing and that she got to lay her eyes on me. I of course was doing well and then, it always happens, I end up breaking out in a sweat! I literally started perspiring right in front of her; I couldn't help it! Anyway, Rachel helped point it out to me several times before we left! Thanks Rachel!

Ok, off to cheer camp we go!
Have a great blessed day!

AUGUST 2ND

I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT I'VE BEEN FEELING GOOD, CAUSE I HAVEN'T. HOWEVER, I THINK TODAY, IS GOING TO BE BETTER. I CAME BACK FROM VACATION, WENT TO CHEMO, FOUGHT JET LAG, AND FELT PRETTY CRAPPY ALL WEEK. NO, NO, OF COURSE I'VE BEEN EATING (NEVER A PROBLEM), BUT I FEEL SO TIRED ALL THE TIME. I THINK I AM BACK ON TRACK, MAYBE.

I HAD A VERY BUSY WEEK OF GETTING BACK INTO INDIAN MODE AND UNPACKING AND DOING LAUNDRY. I AM IN FULL PURGE MODE! I AM THROWING THINGS AWAY THAT NO LINGER NEED TO BE PRESENT IN THIS HOUSE. IT IS A VERY GOOD FEELING TO GET RID OF THINGS. I DID MY CLOSET BEFORE VACATION AND NOW I AM DOING THE PANTRY, THE LAUNDRY ROOM, ETC......
NOW IF I CAN GET MY KIDS TO DO THE SAME, WE WILL BE IN BUSINESS.

I RECEIVED A VERY SPECIAL PACKAGE IN THE MAIL FROM MY COUSIN SUSAN. SHE LIVES IN THE DC AREA. I KNOW THAT SHE HERSELF HAS NOT BEEN FEELING WELL, SO FOR HER TO SEND ME THIS CARE PACKAGE MEANS THAT MUCH MORE! IN IT, WERE SEVERAL WELL THOUGHT OUT ITEMS. SODOKU OF COURSE, 20 QUESTIONS, MAGAZINES (ALL FOOD RELATED), CHOCOLATE AND THE QUINTESSENTIAL BAG OF UTZ HOT POTATO CHIPS! SHE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING. ONE OF THE MAGAZINES HAD AN UPDATE ON CHRISTINA APPLEGATE; CANCER SURVIVOR NOW, SO SHE SENT IT TO ME. I READ IT LAST NIGHT AND ALTHOUGH SHE DID NOT HAVE CHEMO OR RADIATION, SHE DID HAVE BOTH BREASTS REMOVED AND IS GOING THO=ROUGH ALOT OF THE SAME EMOTIONS THAT I AM. SHE DID SAY, IT AFFECTS HER EVERYDAY, SOMETHING I WOULD HOPE WOULD PASS. I DID NOT LIKE TO HEAR THAT! AM I GOING TO HAVE A DAY WHERE I DONT' THINK,"CRAP. I HAD BREAST CANCER?" PROBABLY NOT. I WILL NEED COUNSELING! SHUT UP, I KNOW, SOME OF YOU THINK I NEEDED COUNSELING BEFORE! HAHA

SO , I AM GOING TO CONTINUE TO GO THROUGH THIS HOUSE AND PURGE TODAY. I AM ALSO GOING TO GO TO KOHLS ACCORDING TO MY DAUGHTER AND SHOP FOR CLOTHES FOR HER. I WAS ALSO GIVEN A BIBLE BY MY NEIGHBOR, AS I TOLD HER THAT I DONT CURRENTLY HAVE ONE THAT I CAN READ. I STARTED READING IT, AND SHE GOT ME THE VERSION THAT EXPLAINS THE MEANING. A BIBLE FOR DUMMIES, THAT'S ME! I LOVE IT THOUGH AND IT HELPS TO KEEP ME FOCUSED AND CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT!

BLESS THIS DAY!
KATHY

Hawaii 2010

OK, it's been too long! We headed out of town on the 10Th of July, and arrived back in town on the 25Th, Sunday of July! It was a long vacation, but a GREAT vacation!

Maui, one word, Amazing! The kids loved Maui for the snorkeling and the atmosphere and activities that surrounded them. They had freedom on this Island and they didn't have a lot of that in Kauai. The ended up snorkeling, going to a Luau, playing a round of golf, and taking the infamous Road to Hana! The road to Hana has also been quoted as "The Road to Divorce"! I now can see why; the roads are not wide, often one lane, and my husband and brother were taking the turns very fast to avoid being there after dark! Good and bad if you are the one riding the edge, which I was! In any case, there was a constant tropical breeze that whooshed over the island at all times so you never felt hot, it was just wonderful. I kept at mere 50 SPF on the body and 70 on the face and no I did not change colors on this trip like I normally do. I read alot and did crosswords and stayed under an umbrella to stay safe and keep within Dr. Orders! I only scared 1 little 6 year old with my bald head, he literally screamed at me until I left his area of the pool; what a little x%&*! JK Any way, we ended the trip on Maui with a celebration of my nephew Alex and his girlfriend Karrie getting engaged! He proposed right at sunset on the beach in Maui! It doesn't get any better than that!

We loaded up the next day and took a turbo prop to Kauai. Now Kauai is lush and tropical but not as accessible as Maui. What I mean is, There is one road but it does not go all the way around the island. For some of the coast line, you can only see by boat or helicopter. We chose boat and it was spectacular to say the least! We took a dinner cruise and my breathe was taken away more than once at the beauty that lie before me. It was breathtaking! The kids had a blast lying down on the boats trampoline up front and riding the waves and getting wet. After we saw the most incredible rainbow from beginning to end, we turned around and the spinner dolphins found us and gave us a delightful show back to Port Allen. We also got to see Venus pop out of the sky as we were arriving back at port. We tried to do something one day ad rest the next. However, we tried to go snorkeling in Kauai, and visibility was not near as clear here as it was in Maui. Did I mention I saw a giant Sea Turtle in Maui? Yep, I did!

In Kauai, the Monk Seals beach themselves here and molt certain times and if your lucky enough, it happens on your trip while your there. Well, not to be disappointed, Mandy the Monk Seal showed up 2 days before our departure to allow us to watch her lay there and roll around trying to rub her fur off! how lucky were we? There are only said to be about 1100 left in the world and they frequent Kauai! There is a penalty if you disturb, annoy, touch or try to feed these animals. We stayed back and the conservation officer did his part too.
We also found our way to Kauai Coffee Plantation, then Waimea Canyon. This canyon was and is dubbed the Grand Canyon of the Pacific. It was huge and incredible. Beautiful colors and spectacular views of the ocean were amazing!

We loaded up and braced ourselves for the long flights home that awaited us. All and all the flights were great, except the last one out from Phoenix. The take off and landing were incredibly UN-nerving; a little bumpy to say the least.

Its goo to be home! I had chemo Monday morning and actually I am feeling great, a little jet lagged still, but not too shabby!
As for the trip, I was able to do and see everything that everyone else was seeing and doing except the zip line; but this was because of my knees not my other problems!

I am going to try and upload photos, but if not, they will be posted on face book! I'm back and blessed beyond belief!
Aloha and Ma halo

Better late, than never.......

I havent blogged in a while; I've been very busy! I have been getting ready for the Big Hawaii Trip! Along with that, I have been exhausted. I have been purging myself of thing I no longer need and replacing them with new, smaller things. Yes, I am talking about my clothes! It has been kind of fun.

The kids, Paul and I have been running around crazy for last minute things, but we truly know how to pack. We have been taking trips for years, near and far, and have become very effecient at it. Brad wil pack at the last minute, but all of his stuff is clean and ready to go. Curtis packed today and so did Rachel. We have someone staying at the house to take care of the puppies, this gives me peace. I know they will be happy at home!

I am going to go and finish up last minute stuff, but I will be bloggging and posting. If I hadn't worked so much to pay for this trip, I wouldnt be going. This trip has been paid for since around February. I know it will be everything wonderful and I am so excited to share my stories with you upon my return!
Mahalo,
Kathy

What a great day!

I woke up bright and early to send Curtis off to Holiday World with friends. He was out the door at 645. Paul and I are up and about, Brad already left for work and Rachel had spent the night at a friends. I ate, then did a little laundry, then took a little nap. Yep, that's the routine. Do a little, sleep a little, you get the picture.

At 1130 I went to a friend from work's house, and sat poolside while kids swam and we ate, you guessed it, Thai Spice. I'm telling ya, I love spicy food, and there is no getting me away from it. I have to have something spicy everyday; oh and something chocolate! We sat and talked and caught up on current events until I had to go and see my Boob Dr. at 3pm.

I get to the office feeling great. Now mind you, this is the same office where I had many a MRI, my biopsies and my final diagnosis. I do get a little creepy going in to this office, however, this is where my Plastics Dr. does his rounds in Greenwood. I walk right in and they are waiting for me. Must be a slow day. "Please undress from the waist up and put on this flimsy open poncho." Yep, so there I sat, waiting for the Dr. In he walks and he tells me I look great, I look great in my hat, and that he looked at my PET scan and boy was it beautiful! I'm in love with this man! Where else could I go and get that many compliments in under 5 minutes? He reminds me of just how lucky I am, and I nod and agree with him. I remind him of just how fortunate I was to have gotten that last MRI; for had I not, well, you know. So he finally takes a look at his handy work. He says wow, you look great, and you are healing great! I ask him to make sure cause I want to go in the ocean in Hawaii. He says,"Don't let your boobs hold you back! Go surfing if you want!" Best quote of the day, or of the week, or of the year for that matter! We both look at a few spots here and there (I like to be sure and thorough) and make sure my one stitch that I have coming out of my skin doesn't need to be clipped out. He assures me, everything looks great and he doesn't need to see me until September. I feel great! Wish every appt. could be this uplifting.

I got dressed, got in my car, called my neighbors and we went and had an iced tea from McDonalds and then sat at her poolside for about 20 minutes catching up. I love my neighbors and my neighborhood for that matter. It just is one great place with a bunch of great people in it.

No no, the day doesnt stop there. I forgot it was ladies night out at a local pub/restaurant. Well, damn it, I feel so good, Im gonna go. My freind Jeanne stops by first to give me a gift. It was very, very cute. Two doo rags from the Harley Davidson shop! One pink and very cute, and the other a little funky and orange! I loved them both and will wear them with pride! I stayed for about 2 hours outside at the pub, had an appetizer and one martini (woops) and then hit the road. I got to see the girls and listen to their stories and reminded myself that it is good to get out and keep my mind off of bad things and focus only on the good. Ok, now homeward bound!
God blessed this day and gave me strength! Amen

Busy busy.....

Rachel had a freind spend the night last night and then they were out the door bright and early to get good seats to......Eclipse! Yep, she loves the series and has read all of the books and what not. Curtis was again the driver. He's a good boy!

I woke up again hungry! What is up with that? Oh, well, I made a hot ham and cheese on an everything bagel with vegeterian veggie soup; it was delicious! I am meeting Janet today for my evaluation at the ED Center. A little nervoous about being out and about but I feel good, so I am going.

Tomorrow, I have a follow up with the Plastic Dr. He gives me the final say on getting in and out of the ocean. All the other Dr.s said it would be fine, followed by the saying, just dont get an infection, that would be terrible! No kidding! So I think the expanders are terrible. Think of them as hard square plastic bottles that poke you and are hard as a rock! Yep that is what it is like. I cant wait to get them out and get the soft ones in. Nothing major here, just a little somethin, somethin. Probably not happening until all treatments are over with, but I am a patient women.

I still love hearing from all of you. Without my family and freinds, I dont know where I would be mentally. Visists and calls keep me sane. I do have a few phone calls to make that I missed yesterday (Nancy and Bernie), but I was napping off and on all day. It happens. Ok, off I go. I might try and clean the floors today, might. Yea, it didn't happen yesterday, but It was cause I was not awake and we rescheduled.
God Bless this day!

Feeling very Hungry this morning!

I fell asleep to the Food Network and Travel Channel and woke up starving! My friend and boss, Janet, made me a gift at the beginning of May when I was first diagnosed. It was a mix made by her womens Church group. It is cinnamon pancake mix and then you add the wet ingredients when you are ready to make them. Well, today was the day! I woke up at 7:30, put on a pot of coffee, sizzled up a few pieces of bacon and made those pancakes. They were soooo good! I also cut up a banana on top and poured a glass of iced tea. Coffee and I have not been getting along, but I did have one cup today. Rachel, Paul and I gobbled up every last pancake and bacon and we are now onto doing laundry.
Yesterday, after my post, I felt so sleepy but couldn't sleep. It hit me like I just couldn't get comfy or something. I think I am doing to much, but I feel so good, I guess that is what I am supposed to do. I am not doing my floors today though. I have a wonderful friend, who is coming to remove the dog hair from my downstairs and give my floors a good cleaning. She does this for a living and she also has Mocha's sister, Cola, so she knows what she is doing when it comes to the dog hair! I promise, I will let any of you have a turn at it, just sign up next to a date!
Ok, better get off of this. Paul is home for a bit before going in and we are going to do something!? Not sure what, but I think it involves shopping for Hawaii! We just need one more suitcase and we are set!
Mahalo
Kathy

It was a long great weekend....

I had my parents in this weekend. I must say they looked great and we kept each other very busy. They celebrated Rachel's birthday, attended a Grad party down the street and had some fabulous food. They hardly got to see Bradley cause he is working 7 days a week, but they did see glimpses of him. Curt was here and there when e wasn't with his girlfriend!
We did all manage to sit and play some card games and Whoonu? It was silly but fun and fast. The kind of games that make you laugh, just what we needed.

My brother Al came in on Sunday to see the folks also and to see me. He of course did not come without a gift. I tell ya, he is going to get it! He and Ellen bought me the most beautiful Coach purse! Pink of course! It is so nice, I almost couldn't' except it, almost! I love it and I love them. Without my family, I don't know where my mind would be these days. I love them to death. i also spoke with Chris in Tennessee today, I think Kim will be joining me after I get back from Hawaii, I hope.

Well, Saturday night, I couldn't take it anymore. Paul shaved my head and I feel great. No, I didn't say look great but oh well. I forwarded some pics to the unit and they said they loved it! I don't care, I know it is temporary. I truly don't want anything on my head right now, so no hats or scarves for me. It is way to hot out there! People can stop and stare, I don't care!

I have not forgotten how very lucky and blessed I am for waking up today and feeling great today. A very good friend of mine brought me my unsweetened iced tea today from McDonald's. I must say, those are the small things that help me out throughout this whole ordeal. I have had a great day so far, some small bumps in the road, but nothing I cant handle. Please, God, give me the strength and give my family the strength to forge ahead and help us get through the next 6 rounds of chemo and the 33 days of radiation left. I am woman, hear me roar!!! Please continue to pray! God Bless!

2 days post second round.....

I wake up early and go to bed late. I am having trouble sleeping. My parents arrived yesterday evening for a weekend visit and I set them up very nicely downstairs so they don't have to climb the stairs. They look really good. I still have a ravenous appetite and so at 10:30, I made egg salad on an everything bagel with hot potato chips! It was delicious and hit the spot. They went to bed, and I played on FB for a while and then watched the end of Chuck and Larry. Still a dumb movie if you ask me. Not one of his funniest makes.

So, ya, I still have hair. No one, and I mean no one in my family wants to be "the one" to shave my head. I have one more grad party in the hood that I am sending my family to and when they get back, I think I will have the task completed and finish up with the lint roller to boot! What's a girl to do? I am also going to have a visit from my brother Al tomorrow and I need to call Chris and Kim. Apparently, Chris called while I was napping yesterday and no one answers the home phone, ever, well I do if I'm awake!

OK, keep the prayers coming, they are working! God bless this day!
Kathy

OIH! My hair is starting to fall out; Oh My!

So, let's see; Tuesday, I joined my friend Kris Robert's poolside and enjoyed some Thai Spice! It is a local favorite of mine. I get the Koa Padd; fried rice-extra spicy. Yep, my palate is back, and just in time cause chemo in 2 days! We sat around her pool a couple of hours, caught up on all of the kids gossip, talked about husbands, how much they miss me at work and so on. It was just what I needed and we will do it again next week for anyone else that wants to join us; it was totally spontaneous as I texted her that day and said I was coming over! Good thing she said yes!

I spoke with my boss, Janet today. She has expertly arranged for me to go to the Education Center for St. Francis Hospital so that I can check my 4000 emails and respond to some of them, and do a little shopping with my VIP points. I think I will get grocery cards as they come in sooo handy to send the kids out for things I may need, like Hot Stuff potato chips; hey, I can't help it, OK? And by kids I really just mean Curtis! He gets me my drinky drink everyday; an unsweetened iced tea from Mickey D's! Yum! After it's gone, I refill with 3/4 water and 1/4 cran grape. I need help! I totally got off the track; It was great to talk with Janet; I simply would not shut up and I know she was busy cause she is now the new owner of my position on.......the CCU Skin Care Committee! Thanks for stepping up to the plate Janet, I really mean it, cause it is a bit time consuming! I love ya for that!

Ah, the real story here.....my hair! Yep, I am grossing Paul and the kids out with my jokes. "Hey, will you throw this away for me?" "Sure what is it?" After I hand them a clump of hair, they look at me and shake their heads with pity! I laugh and they are like, no other Mom would do that. I tell them, "That is why you are so lucky!!" haha! I have to keep it real, we are shaving it later; well, Paul and I will watch as the kids take turns and then, yes I will finish with a strong lint roller brush for the remaining fuzz. Pictures will be taken!

Also, I had my 2ND round of chemo today, lifesaving chemo that is! I was accompanied by my siter-in-law Ellen! She offered to come in and I accepted. My other sister-in-law Kim will be joining me after Hawaii, and I can't wait to see her!
Anyway, they accessed the port in.........1 try!!!!!! Yay! Not to say she didn't have to dig deep, cause she did, but who cares, one shot and we were in baby! She pushed the Red Devil (adriamycin) first, then hung the big bag of cytoxin. My pee was bright red in 15 minutes from the 1st drug. Completely normal I was told. We finished in just over 2 hours, watched a little Price Is Right and then got the heck out of there. We picked up Curt and Rachel and headed to lunch to Shallo's where I saw a good friend Brenda. We ate and headed straight to Sears. I wanted to look at their Land's End line of suits. Guess who just got the cutest new navy blue and white suit with the cutest cover up? That's right, me! Of course, Rachel was there to help pull my suits on and off for me and Curt was the official thumbs or thumbs down judge. Yes, Rachel made fun of me again, and again, and again! Did you think she would be any different? Me neither, but thank goodness she can laugh and help me out at the same time! Auntie Ellen was also trying on suited and found some too! After that, home please, I'm starting to feel very, very sleepy.

Home we go. Ellen left, I went up to bed and took a nap, and when I woke up, dinner was waiting for me. Our neighbors, the Wards, delivered a fabulously prepared dinner, as told by my kids and after I am done writing, I will go and eat. So on that note, I hope everyone has had a wonderful day and will have a wonderful tomorrow! God Bless!
Kathy

Trouble Sleeping Again.......

I am the worst at night! I also read something tonight that is disturbing to me to say the least. It was a post on FB and it is haunting me now. It is all I can think about. I do not wish to reveal what it is but just know, I will be OK, and I will stay healthy!
I thank God for each and every day now. I truly enjoy the day and what is happening at that exact moment.
I made some plans today with my brother and his family for Hawaii. We will be attending a Luau and also doing "The Road To Hana". This will happen in Maui. What will take place in Kauai, well, we don't know yet. I do know that I will relax and enjoy the scenery and takes lots of pictures. I need a new suit! I went to Macy's and tried on several and I must say, the stretchy fabric was a bit trying on the old lady! I struggled with a few and wished I had a pair of scissors with me to cut some of them off. Easier on than off in some cases. I will pursue more trying on tomorrow at Kohl's.

I am going to try and go back to bed now. Wish me luck!
God Bless and Goodnight!

I just woke up from a tiny cat nap; it's 4:45 in the afternoon. I have been having trouble sleeping again. I need to retrain my body, but it knew I was supposed to be at work last night so it was up, and so was I!

I had a very, very busy weekend. Rachel turned 13 and had a party with sleepover on Friday. This year, 4 lucky boys were invited to stir things up a bit. It ended up raining and storming very violently, so the girls spent the night indoors instead of on the screened in porch. They all had a great time and want to make "movie night" at our house a monthly, weekly, or nightly event! I guess that is a sign of a successful party!

I still feel relatively normal. I don't feel sick. Am I sick? They said that they dissected all of the cancer out of me, so I say NO! I think about how fortunate I am every day. However, I do know that this will always be with me, this chapter in my life. Will I ever do anything without thinking of this? the answer is no. I know this already has changed my way of thinking. I will allow my children to do things that I might once have told them not to do. To wordy? I know, to deep, but these are things I think about.

I received an email from a very old friend of mine and I must say that it moved me quite a bit. Again, I am blessed at just how many people are praying for me. I love hearing from all of you so please keep it up..

My parents are going to be heading down next weekend to help out. I look forward to it. They will be handy in case I start to feel like crap after Thursday's chemo party!

As for my Hawaii trip; hell yes I'm still going! Less than 3 weeks away and I am very excited about that. I don't plan on overdoing it, but I don't plan on feeling ill either. It will just be what the Dr. ordered. A few pieces still needed, like new swimsuits, but other than that, I'm ready!
God Bless this day!

The one week check-up

I went to the Dr. Office this morning; drove myself; then proceeded to wait for 1/2 hour in the tiny office exam room. Not horrible just get a little anxious being there. Everything looks good, right? Well, sort of. I did have to have blood drawn that I was not aware of; and have a tiny little suture knot that was peeking out of my shoulder near my port. guess what? She had to dig a little cause the skin grew back over it! No worries, it came out fine and not too much discomfort. They will be checking my counts weekly, something I did not know about. I thought it was biweekly.

Anyway, after that, I felt good enough to go Krogering. So, I loaded up the cart and got in line and guess what? I ran out of gas. I had to ask for help unloading, bagging, and taking my groceries out to my car. I had lots of help and they were all really , really nice. I notified the kids before I left and they helped unload and put away. They are being good to me.

One more thing to do; take Rachel to the mall for a present. We went to Von Maur to the Clinique counter and there, she had a makeover and got to purchase all of her essentials and she loved it, and so did I! She looks understated and beautiful and that is what we wanted. Nothing fussy over here!
OK, completely bushed and tired, I am off for a quick nap and then I am playing Euchre with the family.
God bless this day!

today is Wednesday........

I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. The night thought and worry about my port have kept me up. My port is good but it is tilted and this, my friends, if your
're a nurse, can cause some anxiety. they did have a bit of trouble getting into it the first time so, one week from now and yes, I'm already worrying about it. I will get my second round of chemo next Thursday; any takers? im looking for a companion of sorts to sit with me and keep me company and hold my hand if needed. I know I will get some offers out there! I get scared very easily, but yes, I am strong and brave, but sometimes, I need a little reassurance.

Today, I met up with some friends ant BJ's Brewhouse in Greenwood. Curtis was my driver and dropped me curbside at the door. I darn near cancelled. I just wasn't sure if I was ready to go outside and sit for lunch. Well, I did, and it was lovely. I didn't eat too much but feel satisfied. My pizza was not the best I ever had, but I think that is from the chemo changing my palate again. I received some gift cards from many people and from CCU, where I work. I always said, how much I love the people I work with and I truly work in the best unit in that hospital. I stand behind that saying as I have had so many people praying for me and wishing me well. I feel blessed to work where I do. I promise to work on all of the thank you's also, it's been on the back burner, but I need to get moving on it!

It is also nice to recieve little cards in the mail of inspiration from friends and family. I love them and they truly do help me! I know my unit is special because at the very same time I became sick, one of our other nurses delivered triplets and is also going through some hard times and I know that these group of people are helping her also and praying for her three girls as well. Amy, I pray that everything will work out for your three beautiful girls and that they get to come home as soon as they are ready! I only worked two days a week, and I hardly ever complained about going in, but I have to say, I miss the weekly grind of it all. We always made the best out of every situation, no matter what. Laughter kept us sane!

As for how I am feeling; I feel great today physically and emotionally now. I am a bit weepy though. I am so touched at the generosity of so many people. I hope I never have to repay them the same service, but if I did, I know I will definitely go overboard!
Want to hear the best news? I just applied for cleaning for a reason .org. My friend Julie sent me the link and I can get my house cleaned professionally once a month for 4 months while I'm in treatment! Yay! I hope it goes through, my house needs it!

Love all of you and everyday is a blessing from God!

I can do this!

I have had a couple of rough days to say the least. Sunday and Monday proved to be a little nauseating, but I still managed to eat and nibble to avoid the vomiting.
I can't thank all of you enough for all of the well wishes that I have been recieving and I really appreciate all of the prayers. I don't know where I would be without all of them. I am blessed everyday!

Yesterday, Brad, Rachel, Paul and I played Euchre until 12:30! Now, mind you, I was ready for bed at 10 pm. I'm not sure how it happened but it was alot of fun.

Poor Brad, I am saying my prayers for him today. He is getting his wisdom teeth on top taken out. He says he is not nervous, but he is glad to be getting out of a few days of work and commute to Ball Memorial! I know he will do well and he can keep me company while we recoop together!

So nothing sounds good except that darned baked potato again. I am going to go make one right now. I put just a little catalina dressing on it and yummm, it tastes so good! Some things are not tasting all that good lately, like, HOT things. I love hot but I couldn't eat it right now, it just doesn't sound good to me. Metalic tastes are breaking their way into my mouth. OK, everyone have a great day and God Bless!

Three days after Chemo....and counting

OK, so day 1 and 2 were fine. I managed to attend a lovely Graduation Party at our friends down the block. After many sitings of friends and well wishes, Rachel and I left the party, went straight to the bingo tent at the OLG festival and sat down to play. Of course I had a driver by the name of Julie Scudder, also an avid Bingo payer! We all lost at bingo and then the big storms rolled in so we made it to Julie's basement and there we sat and played rummy and Whoonu. It was alot of fun. I passed on Poker! That is BIG news for anyone who knows me, but I know that I wouldn't be up long enough to finish the game that night.

While at the festival, I did run into Laura and her sister from work (sorry chemo brain acting up, and can't remember names right at the moment). I gave them each a hug and talked for a few and it was good to see them. I do know that one of her daughters names is Maggie, right? The brain is not totally gone yet! I would say, I was at the festival for about an hour and that was plenty for me.

So today, is Sunday. Hoping to attend mass later around 5ish. I slept in and then watched TV in bed for another hour, so I was up late today at 10am! I watched food TV and so I decided we are having shish_ka_bob today and Paul just got back from the store with all of the ingredients. Can't wait and it sounds so good right now!
Rachel was also very persistent this morning! We ordered her charger for her camera from Kodak, on sale with free shipping, and we ordered her Eclipse movie ticket for June 30Th at 1045 in the am. Now, who's going with her cause it is not going to be me!!!
I still need to call US Airways and get new seats as I have been instructed to sit in the biggest area because I need to walk and stretch every hour on the plane ride over to Maui! I will see what I can do there! Other that that, I still have a hefty slice of graduation cake I stole from the Rice's house. I almost called them this morning to see if they had any left over pulled pork, but I felt that was pushing it!! Anyway, more anti nausea meds and pepcid complete and I can do this!!!

The 1st Round fo Chemo is Under Way!

So I'm awake early at let's say 9:30 and I start my day. Rachel and I get ready, hed to Target, get some stuff, forget to look at cute hats and scarfs for me, and check out. I make macaroni and sandwhiches for all of us and then wait for Paul to get home to go to Chemo. I'm ready, right? I'm really ready; I keep telling myself this over and over. It's not really sinking in but I figure, what the heck, how bad could it be?

Not knowing is a blessing. Being a cardiac nurse, I truly know nothing about Chemo agents except that at the hopital, if I come inot contact with a pt. who is getting chemo, I have to where special chemo block gloves. I wouldn't want to get that stuff on me let alone inside of me; wait, yea, here it comes baby!

So I wait in the waiting room for 5 minutes and it feels lilke an hour. We are escorted back to a small room with no decor, a small TV/VHS player and a lazyboy and some chairs. My nurse introduces herself. Now, from this point on, imagine her and me talking in a British accent. She is from the UK and her name is Hum. She is lovely and has been doing this a long time. She is giving me a vesicant called Adriamycin (look it up) and has to be very careful not to let it leak out from my port. Ok, about the port. Nothing is ever easy with me, so why should accessing my port be any different.
The port is under my skin and very close to my left armpit but in front kind of right next to my shoulder but not quite on my chest. Got the picture? So she cleans me up, get a 1 inch needle and tries to stick the port. Attempt one= FAIL. Ouch! Attempt two= FAIL. Shit! She calls in Karen. Karen will get it! They are a little concerned that the prot has flipped around and the back is now facing us. That would suck.....for me. Well, anyway, Karen gets the 1 inch needle and boom, she gets it but says, wow thats deep. Make a note in her chart! Ok, it's in and I'm ready, right?

To make a long story short, I got 20 minutes of Adriamycin and 1 hour of Cytoxin dripped and pushed into me. I did great! I also got alot of anti-nausea meds and steroids. All to help me get better my dear! I get the needle out and leave the office feeling fine! I even took a long walk around the block with Mocha and Paul. My mind is good, and I feel very fortunate for my smarty pants doctors at this point. I am going to be just fine, and at this point I know it!
The best news of all; I get a three week break from chemo while Im in Hawaii and I can get into the Ocean!!!!! Except only when the sharks are feading; before 10am and after 4pm!! I have choices!
Ok Im off to bed as my brother Al and his son Alex will be arriving in the morning and I want to feel good for this visit!
Good Night and God Bless!

Guess What?

Today is still Wednesday for about another hour. I did a few things around the house and by that I mean, nothing. I was a complete basket case about some stuff going on at St. Francis, of which I cannot talk about! It is giving me an ulcer, and making me question my sanity. I drank a beer at 11am this morning and I don't even like beer that much! Yep, something is bothering me very badly. But, I had to move on for the day so I did.
I went upstairs to get ready for my appt. with the Plastics Dr. He is so nice. Im not nervous at all. So i gather my 2 washcloths and my shampoo and bodywash and begin the procedure of cleaning muyself via sink in bathroom that I must say, I have gotten pretty good at. All and all, I still look like a small boy in the bathroom mirror when I am done, you know, no boobs short hair and chin hair for which it is time to pluck the stragglers for the appt. so I get busy! I'm finally ready and my good friends Marji and DeeAnn pick me up and drive me to Columbus. Indiana. We will meet Paul at the office and then go for a quick bite to eat afterwards.
As I wait in the waiting room, the anxiety comes over me, I am really here again. This is really happening and I don't want to be here. I want my drain out so this is what I will focus on.
"Kathy" ' they call me. I go back with Paul, and get undressed from the waist up, put on their bathrobe and wait very little time for the Dr. to come in. He comes in and says, "Want to get that drain out? How long have you had it in?" I tell him since the 17th of May. Ok, let's do this! He snips snips here, and snips snips there and then tells me to hold my breath, now exhale 1/2 way; woosh, it's out! The burn, then the relief. I feel free. He says he is not going to fill me, unless I want to be bigger. Not really, so we leave. I will see him again in a few weeks. Want to hear the greatest news? I can shower now!!!!!! Yay! I can shower and peel off the steri strips from both breast. I've been known to be a somewhat of a picker, so this does not bother me in the least. We go to lunch, then Paul and I go to the Jockey store in Edinburg on the way home and I purchase my first new smaller bra. It's cute and beige. Victoria's Secret will have to wait till treatments are over.

So that's it. Tomorrow, I will have the lifesaving, poison dripped into me for the first of 8 long treatments followed by 33days of radiation to the armpit where most of the cancer was. I can't wait for this to be all over and done with. Hawaii can't come soon enough!! Thanks for all of the texts and phone calls and emails and presents! I love them all and look forward to the drop ins for visits that help me keep my mind off of things. I count my blessings everyday now! God Bless!

Things don't always go according to plan......

Today is Monday. I wake up to the fact that my drain is not coming out today. In fact, it has picked up speed over the weekend. It can come out after it drains less than 30cc's in a 24 hour period. this is the amount that your body can reabsorb and not become a problem. I was close but then something happened and I actually started to increase. Irritating, frustrating, but not horrible.
So this morning I called both my surgeon and my oncologist. They both agreed that I need to see my plastic surgeon as scheduled on Wednesday. The Onc. says she will see me no matter what at 1:30 in the afternoon on Thursday! This will be my official day of chemo!! I'm both scared and relieved because I just want it to be over with already! So, unfortunately, the weekend trip I was planning on, probably isn't going to happen, but I will keep my options open, as I may do very well with chemo and I might not be as sick as they tell me I'm going to be, just maybe!

On a lighter note, we had a great weekend filled with lots of company, one poker game and one open house. It was a fun but exhausting weekend.

I am still experiencing the "overwhelming blues". They come on fast, don't stay long, I have a good cry, feel sorry for myself and then they are gone just as quickly as they arrived. It's weird but again, I'm told this is normal. I feel more crazy then I knew I already was. ( That didn't make sense to me either. )

It's funny how when your sick, you seem to run into people who have the exact illness you have. Of course I ran into someone who has breast cancer with the same Dr.s I do and just finished up chemo and radiation. This was at the open house. I know what your thinking but, this time, I actually enjoyed it and it gave me inspiration because the lady, she looked pretty good for just finishing up such a big dose of medicine.

Well, we are grilling out tonight because Paul's sisters wanted to come over for a visit. I am looking forward to it as I havent seen them in a while. I need to get off of the computer and go and do my hair? No, clean the house, no? Well, I could stay on here all day if I wasn't careful, so til next time!

I'll be having a good day, when all of a sudden, it's dawns on me that I have breast cancer. I start to cry, like I am right now, and It is a feeling and sensation that I truly cannot overcome easily. I have to just let it out and cry and hope I don;t get it again, but I know I will. I now cry in all sorts of places and I look odd doing it, but it is what it is!
One thing that keeps me up is my family. I am so very proud of them for helping me, driving me around and just being there with me and playing games and hanging out. My friends have been there too. Have I forgotten to mention how very generous and loving all of my friends have been? Well I am sorry it has taken me this long to do so. From many, many dishes of food, candy, chips, drinks, gift cards and clothing, I am forever humbled and grateful. My friend Karen also made me a chemo quilt! She had my family and some of our good friends in the hood sign a square, then she quilted them together with a poker pattern (surprising I know), then she presented it to me! I cried while I was reading each square. They all mean so much to me, especially since people took the time out of their day to do it. I even got a message from Mocha and Dixie! I will have to post it on here some how. I will figure it out.
Well, I was really hoping that my chemo will start Monday, and it might, if I get my drain out early that morning. I pray that I do because I want to get this going and get on with my life. I am grateful for everyday, for everyday is a blessing to me!

Having a good day is everyday for me!

I went to bed late last night (2am) because I didn't take my Xanax. I was also playing games online (bejeweled). I had to wake up early for my Muga scan. So 6:30, I'm up and getting ready and my friend Lisa will be taking me this morning and picking me up at 7:30.
I'm up and ready, arrive at the hospital and I' walking through the halls when I see him. I see the Dr. who I first went to when I started having all of these symptoms. He told me that I was fine and he did however, reluctantly order the Breast MRI for me because I told him I read an article about Christina Applegate's story and how it saved her life. She was only diagnosed b/c of this test. I remember, sitting in his office getting the results of this MRI. He told me that everything looked fine. He did not mention the lymph node in my right breast or the cyst in my left, as I later found out I did have. He told me that I was having normal changes to my body. He couldn't explain the pain under my armpit but assured me that having another MRI was not necessary. There was simply nothing he saw that warranted any further tests. The radiologists backed him up and told me that we will be getting another MRI, because they saw a wrinkle in the left breast but told me had we not gotten one in the first place, that we wouldn't have to be going through any of this! He was scolding me because I got the test in the first place! I asked him if he would feel this way if this were his wife or daughter and he said absolutely! You are a healthy young women, and you now will have to go through another MRI because of your insistence on getting one in the first place! I left that office and never went back to them. Good thing too, because just think if I had listened to them? I'm not sure where I would be today. Still in pain and not diagnosed yet.
Anyway, I avoided him, but thought if he looks my way, I would not back down. Of course, he would have to recognize me first wouldn't he? I mean my hair is short and I look quite a bit different. Anyway, I chalk it up to Karma. I mean, that was a little reminder to me that I did the right thing, and listened to my body, not some Dr. who wasn't completely sure about things except that he was right and I was wrong! Enough of that!
So on to the test. Creepy! That is all I can say. This test is to make sure my heart is strong and ready for chemo. Take out 10 cc of my blood. Mix with heparin (blood thinner) and radioactive chemicals; wait 1/2 hour; place back into Kathy! Gross! Take pictures and done! I'm sure everything is fine, but I will have to endure one more friggin phone call to find out.
My drain in left breast is at 35 cc today. Not coming out. Hopefully by Friday, as I want to get the chemo started Monday or Tuesday. My Onc. says this won;t be a problem.
I also went to the Baseball fields tonight with a friend just to get out of the house. It was fun. I had a Tenderloin from the concession stand and a sprite. I also ran into some people I haven't' seen in a while and they all wished me well and are keeping me in their prayers. Isn't that sweet? I am truly blessed with friends and family in abundance!
OK, I'm going to go to bed and lay down, and I'm taking the sleeper, cause I can already tell, I'm not tired yet! Nighty night!

This Just In.....

Well I was sitting around after not going to my Muga scan because of some kind of mistake in the scheduling department, when the phone rings. It says it's a restricted call, which is code for Dr. Office! I reluctantly answer, Hi is this Kathy? I say yes; who is this? She tells me it is Dr. Mayer. I immediately get very weary and sick because this is the lady I specifically told that I hate phone calls with bad news. Then I think, OK, why is she calling me? She says, I couldn't let you wait all day until 6pm to let you know that your PET scan was beautiful! YAY!! She actually said BEAUTIFUL!
I thanked her and she said now, lets get those drains out and start the chemo! So off to the Dr. Office I went and got the remaining right drain out and the left is still in but slowly slowing down.
Whew! Great news! Rachel and I celebrated by going to Von Maur and getting her a couple of bathing suits on sale and walking around too much!! Im exhausted but as you can see, it is late. I must get some sleep as the Muga Scan is set for the morning at 8am. Yuck! One more scan. I hate them but I can do anything now!
Thank You God, Im glad you were listening to all of our prayers!

Memorial Day Weekend

Well, I have endured a very long week. Many Dr. visits, scans, blood draws and oh yeah, I got my Portacath. It sits right in my left chest wall near my shoulder. The Dr. assured me she would try not to nick my lung and I guess she was good, cause that did not happen.
We ventured out to two open houses on Saturday, had two cookouts on Sunday and we had 1 open house on Monday. They were all lovely and it was nice to see everyone. I was exhausted by the end of all of it, but I kept my chin up and carried on. We ended the weekend with movie night. Rachel picked, and we watched Leap Year. It was cute and light hearted, just what I needed.
Today, my friend Julie is picking me up for my Mugga Scan. They need to make sure my heart is ticking right before they drip poison in me tomorrow! That is if I get all of my drains out! At 6pm this evening, Paul and I go to The Oncologists office to find out how my PET Scan( I will tell you about this scan a little later) results are. I feel very good about this, but the little doubt creeper keeps trying to creep in!
Anyway, I am ready to start treatments and get this part of my journey and life over with and behind me.
39 days! 39 days til Hawaii.....that is what I will be focusing on for good vibes!

The Big Surgery May 17th

Wow, I have really avoided this blog for a while now! Here I am though, back in action!
I have a had a really, really big week that I had to battle through to get to this place, right here, right now.
Monday, May 17th. Surgery at Comm. south Surgery Center. Nice place, Im thinking, I could work here. Hustle, bustle, everyone is around me starting IV's and I had many visitors, some of which, I did not expect, but really appreciated. The Dr. and Anesthesiologist both pop their heads in and say, we dont expect this to be any big deal, and assure Paul and the kids that they will give them small updates throughout the procedure.
Well, you know, I don't do anything normal and without drama! So, in I go. Scared to death. As I am being put under, I remind the Anesthesiologist how to monitor me and the nurses to make sure I look decent and not exposed and to wait to put my catheter in while I'm sleeping. I drifted off.......and I woke up very, very late.

Something was not right. Back up! They injected methylene blue dye into my right nipple x4 places. 12, 11 10 and 9 o'clock. The blue dye uptakes into bad lymph nodes.(by the way, fully awake for this procedure, thank you) OK so when the Dr. gets into the armpit, for which I have been complaining about for a long time now, she is surprised and sickened by what she sees. A cluster of cancer! All together, encapsulated by fibrous tissue and what appears to be no finger like projections ( a good sign). This is a dissection waiting to happen that takes a very long time. Paul and the kids and some visitors are now starting to panic and wonder; What is taking so long?
Dr. comes out and gives everyone the bad news. Paul is a mess and he makes some much needed phone calls. the prayer chains get longer, and I am in total and utter darkness, for awhile.

I wake up at 2am ish. Just Paul and I are in the room. He is running all over, trying to make me feel better. The nurse is showing him how to strip my drains and what not. Pretty much ignoring me. I know something is up. The nurse brings me some crackers and cheese and leaves. Paul is now mine! Cornered, I ask him; "So, what did they end up doing? How was my armpit?" He answers me,"not good" and I throw everything I was eating right at his head and start to cry. "I knew it, I knew it all of these months but everyone thought I was a fucking crazy lady!" He tries to reassure me, but that will not happen. What is next you ask? Hell and torture for me, because I already know what is to come....shit!

The Big Day!

Kids off to school and Brad off to Ball Memorial for orientation then work til noon. We all hugged and said our goodbye's and prayers.
Paul and I have been putting the finishing touches on the upstairs; changing sheets, vacuuming,unclog a drain in kids bathroom, etc..... We both have a sort of calm around us. We know we have to do this. He did offer to whisk we away to Mexico (not my first choice, that would be Vegas) but I turned him down as I want to be healthy and on the road to recovery as soon as possible.
I can't thank everyone enough for all of the well wishes and prayers for myself and my family. We feel like we are surrounded by some of the most fabulous people.
I told Paul that he will have to put the next few entries in this journal, or you will just have to wait for it. They will be very, very interesting indeed! Well, Im going to go and get ready for this! Wish me luck!
Kathy

Sunday morning blues?

You're never ready for surgery, really. You say you are, you say I can't wait to heal and be done with this, but the truth is, I don't want to go through this at all. It is totally terrifying to me. Anyone who says different is lying! I mean, unless you truly dont know any better, which in my case, I feel like I know way to much. Too much for my own good! Too much for everyone's own good!

Jump ahead:
11 am Dr. office Monday Morning. Have wire place in "good" breast so they can define all of the margins of the biopsy that came back negative. Hmmmm, sounds easy right? Wrong! That breast still hurts, this is going to suck!

After procedure, please go straight to the surgery center, so we can get you ready for 3pm. Really? You want me to sit for at least 3 hours waiting at the surgery center. I remind her of all of my anxiety and neuroses and she assures me they can give me "something" to calm me. A Margarita Machine better be one of them! IV insertion for sure, along with anesthesia education and consent, followed by tons of material I have to know about rehab and my new tissue expanders for my new breasts that I will get in about 2-3 months.
Again, this sucks! Im usually on the other end explaining all of this information to patients and their families. This is all new to me so I will listen, but I'm still pissed about it. Not to mention, the scariest part of it all, the L word! Dont even want to say it out loud. The dissection and notification of my Lymph nodes. This will determine whether or not chemo (hate that word too) will be in my very near future. Excited to get rid of cancer(there's another one!) but also scared to have chemo in my body! This is totally out of my control, for which I always think I am in for those of you who do not know me all that well;)
It is 1:50 pm. I am going to go and grill out with the family. I will watch a good movie and I will say goodbye to a part of my body I have known for 42 years. Sad? Maybe, but Im getting new perfect ones, and women do this everyday, right? Oh, well, so what. I have a date later with Mr. Ativan and then nothing to eat or drink after Midnight. That will not be a problem as I havent' been eating anyway.
Monday surgery, Tuesday starts the healing process, STAY POSITIVE! That is my motto!!!!Keep sending me those prayers, and send me a note once in a while so I have something to read!! TTYL Kathy

Sunday May 16th 2010

So, Saturday was a good day, kinda. Rachel went to King's Island with the choir. She texted me right after she did Skydiver! You know they harness you into a, well, harness,hoist you up about 150ft. or higher, then say "3, 2, 1, fly!" They cut the cord and she soars through the air like the crazy child she is! She didn't do the bungee ball because one of the seats were broken; darn!

Paul and I cleaned out the porch for most of the day, ran to Target to get my zip up hoodie I've been told I will need. You know, zip up as to not lift my arm over my head and pockets to put my drains in. Fashionable and gross all at the same time! Yippee! I am not at all ready for this. I thought I was but Im not.

Later that night, some friends drop by for a quick card game at our house. They know we wouldn't be doing anything so why not. Let's just say I won ,but did I? Thrown game? Not sure but I did have some amazing hands. I came down between Paul and I and he wanted to split the pot and I simply did not. I ended up destroying him like a good wife should.

All the kids got home at decent hours and it is time for bed. I have a date with Mr. Ativan. He and I fall fast asleep and wake up the next morning.........crap!

So much anxiety, so little time.........left

Ok, so yesterday was fun. I had lunch at Mallow Run Winery here on the south side with some great friends. We sat outside and enjoyed some wine with cheese and crackers and cucumber dip. It was truly a great day.

The wine put me out though! I came home and took a nap on the couch. I was woken up by Mocha sniffing and licking my mouth, face,and you get the idea.
Paul came home and once again, I decided I was too tired to go for a bike ride so, once again, I didn't. Nope, I don't feel guilty at all, well maybe just a little.

Later that night we played Texas Hold-em at Marji and Steve's house. I came in second, again. I had fun and that is all that matters to me.

I am home at midnight, and ready for bed. I can't take my friend, Mr. Ativan , because I have to take Rachel to the school at 5am for her King's Island trip. I know what you are thinking, have Paul or one of the boys take her, but the guilt of me not going gets the better of me and I want to do this. I turn the TV on and before I know it, the alarm was going off and it was go time.
Rachel threatened me as she left this morning at 5am, she said,"I am doing the bungee cord ball ride mom!" She is crazy when it comes to thrill rides! My friends will have to endure that one for me, just this once! She will sit in a steel ball, next to her friend and be pulled down, then released into the air. She has been begging to do this ride since she was 5 or 6. She is 12.

All I keep thinking about as Monday grows closer, is the fact that these are the last days with a part of my body that I have grown accustom to. The last Saturday, Sunday and then boom, Monday is here. To say I am nervous is an understatement! I am a nurse as you all know, so many, and I mean many scenarios have been going through my mind. I try to block them out, but sometimes they get the better of me. I am going to try and keep busy this Saturday and try not to worry. I am already dressed and ready for the bike ride and I am going to play corn hole later. Rachel does not have to picked up until 9:30 this evening and the boys will do that for me. They have agreed to help out around the house today and they promised to put all of their clean laundry away!

Ativan, my Ativan

Ok, so I talked with a girl I dont even know and half way through the conversation she says to me,"Have they given you anything for your nerves yet?" Haha, I say no. She insists I call them and get something. I called, they gave me Ativan. Im a little reluctant to take b/c I have seen people go crazy on this. Fine one minute and then boom, a lunatic the next. I worn my husband and then I take one. I slept like a baby all night and didn't wake up until 6:45!! Thanks new best friend, I think we are going to get along just fine!!!

Friday May 14th, 2010

So yesterday was again, a very busy day for me. I went to lunch with the CCU girls. We ended up at Fireside on the Southside. I love this place. I always get the same thing. M-80 Shrimp. They are sweet and hot and plump and delicious. Today, however, they had a special. They had them in a wrap type sammie ,so that is what I got and it was yummy!
The girls were fun and the conversation as lively as it always is! I will miss them at 2am on the weekends; that is when we break for our lunch. Who knows, I might pop in and see them once in a while.

Later that night, I was invited to a breast cancer survivor/drinking group! Not your typical group I must say. They give out awards and celebrate milestones in the group; going to your last appt., getting your implants, getting your nipples tattooed; etc.....Very, Very nice group of ladies. I was a little overwhelmed at first, but my good friend Debbie was there to help me along. A glass of Chardonnay also helped me too!

So I get home and my son Brad meets me at the door. Hey, we need to go to the Dr. OK, lets go. I drive him to Immediate Care cause I dont want to go to the ER. He has systemic poison ivy. It doesn't go away. He was taking care of it at Purdue and it seemed like it was better, but we ad a relapse and he is covered again. We know what to do; Steroid and Steroid cream. We got some and I know I already feel better.

Last stop at 10:30 at night; the neighborhood girls need to see me! They are finishing up spirits and a bonfire so Paul and I pop over for a minute. Wow, they are so sweet! I got more kisses from Johnna that anyone else combined. She was very uplifting and I think she is going to be a big inspiration to me during the next few weeks. It was good to sees everyone, and I am glad we made the time to stop in.
Paul, now take me home I am tired!

Thursday May 13th 2010

I have so much to do today. It is going to be crazy. I need to get all of this laundry done and my boys are going to help me with it!!! I am also going to lunch with some very dear friends and co-workers today. I hope I am hungry today, because lately I havent been. I did wake up feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed, a good nights rest will do that for you.

Yesterday, after getting home from running kids and planting flowers and winding down, there was a knock at my back door. Of course, I had to yell for the kids to get my dogs because I didn't know who it was and they were very excited to jump on this person the minute I open the door. So Paul actually came to my rescue.
I opened the door and it was a neighbor of mine ,who oddly enough, just had a bilateral mastectomy and tissue expanders in place. She wanted to check up on me and play a little show and tell. I didn't think I would be up for it, but before you know it, we were in my bathroom, checking out the new and improved girls! They looked great. It helped me out tremendously for about a minute, and then she said the "L" word. Lymph nodes. I've got to tell you, I am more freaked out about my lymph node dissection than anything else. "Well just hope they are negative!" This is what everyone is saying to me. Well, what if they are not? I mean, it could happen. I might have to have chemo. This scares the shit out of me; not the chemo, the fact that it is so far outside of my breast tissue........ewwww!
I say goodbye, and then go and grab a beer ( I would have grabbed drugs if I had any!) and go and sit on the porch. Paul is worried and concerned. He tries to cheer me up. He gives me words of encouragement and I feel a little better. I just can't think that way, stay positive Kathy, stay positive.

Wednesday May 12th

I went out to lunch with Nancy today. She treated me to Santorini's Greek Restaurant in Fountain Square. It was amazingly delicious food. Tzasiki sauce with warm triangles of pita with olive oil drizzled over the top, shrimp,scallop and fish skewers and a greek salad. I was stuffed!

She then surprised me! She pulled out a pair of socks for me and said lets go Duckpin Bowling. So that is what we did. I bowled above average, which is 60, so it was a good day.
I of course was hot and sweaty in the basement of this old building. Yep, the only dark headed, greek food stinkin person in there with perspiration running down my forehead. What the heck!! Anyway, it was fun.

I almost forgot to mention, that I received a phone call today prior to leaving from my OB/GYN's NP. Her name is Ann. She said she was just thinking about me and wanted to commend or applaud me for being so persistent about my symptoms. She noticed that I had been to several Dr.'s and had several tests done. She assured me that up until this point, everything was normal. I have to keep telling myself they are right. It was nice of her to call because I hardly know her.

Monday 10, 2010

I slept well. Woke up; and that damn phone rang! It was the office of my surgeon. My surgery is confirmed for the 17th and I now have to have one more procedure before the big surgery. Just another step to recovery. My mom and dad left this morning and will not be back until after my surgery. This is good as I need to get the house in order, Brad moved back in and just make sense of it all with my family at my side.

My last weekend of work before surgery..........

Saturday and Sunday were hard. I walked in Saturday and knew that what I was about to tell my co-workers wasnt going to be easy. After a breif report; I closed the door and just let them have it. They were stunned. Some thought I was going to be doing some kind of skin care teaching, but no, that was not it. I received several hugs and a lot of prayers.
Yes there were some who were so innapropriate, that it made me feel very,very scared. So after about two hours, I packed it up and went back home to my family! I just couldnt do it.
Sunday night, I got back on the horse and did my last 12 hour shift for six-eight weeks. I had a lot of support and some of my co-workers really touched me as to how much it affected them. I feel blessed to have such wonderful people that I know care and pray about me and my family. As I left that morning, I again was afraid of what was to come in the next week.

Telling the rest of the family and the parents!

Ok, so now it's Tuesday afternoon and I have to make a very hard call to my Mom. I call her at work and decide to let her tell my dad since he is so very hard of hearing. She immediately cries and tells me she is on her way! She did however notify all of the rest of my family up north as she does so well. I think my relatives in Hungary, Turkey and Romania were also notified if I know her!
They arrived on Thursday and by Thursday night, I was over the doom and gloom. Life goes on. So we did normal things and just went on about our business as usual.
Friday I went to Purdue and got Brad and then my Mom and I played Poker with the girls in the neighborhood. I came in second! The girls are not going to take it easy on me just cause I have the C word!
The people closest to me do not know how to comfort me because there really isnt a way. I need someone to say it isnt there at all and then I will have peace.

Tuesday May 4, 2010 7am

Ok, I'm here at the Dr. office. Scared and shaking, they call me into the consultation room. I met my nurse navigator Carol. She is a survivor of 12 years, but I dont care, I dont want to know her story, just mine for the moment.
They gave me a breast cancer awareness pin, a duffle bag with a water bottle(pink of course) and a lot of reading material. It is still sitting in my kitchen in the bag. I refuse to look at it.

My Dr. walks in and is pleased. "I'm so gald that we caught this early." I said Early? Please tell me after all of these months, you still think this is early. She reassured me that it was and we moved on.
Stage I, grade II Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The most common type of cancer in the breast. Great to know I'm of average disease catching caliber. Of course we did have to cover the other stages, of which I do not want to refer to ever! So we wont.
Option: for me only one option is out there. Remove them both, and get rid of this cancer! I wouldnt even listen to the lumpectopy infrormation. I was told that the cancer can jump to the other breast so that was a no brainer for me.
Yep, reconstruction too! At first I was hesitant, but I figure, I want to still wear cute tanks and tops and I am a beach lover so I am going for the implants! I will have my 20 years old boobs back in no time!
So, oh yea, one more thing, we need to biopsy your left breast now! What? Im freaking out. Why now, you said it looked ok. What is going on. All of the informtaion she just gave me gone, gone, now replaced with new fears and worries.
In to the Ultrasound room where they are core needle biopsying another area. Lets jump ahead here and let you know that it was negative, but really scary to wait and here those results after going through all of the other things to get to this point.

Ok, now to coordinate the plastics with the surgeon, ah, May 17,2010. That is the day my life will change forever.

Monday May 3, 2010

Ok, so I slept all day on Monday May 3rd because I had worked a 12 hour shift the night before. It was a good night. I did not sleep in my bed, I slept in the bonus room on the couch, and I must say, I slept well. I must of know I would need it with the news that was about to hit me.

I slept until 2:35 pm and at 2:36pm, my cell phone rang. ( Apparently my home phone was off the hook.) "Kathryn please." I answered. "Kathryn, this is the Dr. Office calling and I'm afraid it's not good news. You have cancer in your breast." Devastated, panicked, crying, getting sick to my stomach. I had all of these emotions and shaking like a leaf was an understatement!

Of course, I need to make an appt. to speak with the Dr. and find out my "options" and how bad it all was. Anyone who knows me will understand the following; I told the girl over the phone that if she didn't get me in the next morning, that I was showing up that day, whether they liked it or not. She put me on hold and when she came back, I had an appt. for the very next morning at 7am.

Of course, I immediately called Paul. He had to calm me down because all of my fears were now a reality of what I knew could be! I was fearful because I had been to several, and I mean several doctors who all thought I was NUTS! I felt like Elaine Bennis from Seinfeld where the Dr.s wrote about me in there charts and then passed them around to confirm they all had the same crazy experience with me. I had CT scans, MRI's and blood work, exams and they all came back negative; but I still felt a funny feeling under my right armpit, especially around that time of the month.

Well, I hardly slept that day. I waited until Curtis and Rachel came home from school and told them. Of course they cried and felt terrible and I felt terrible for telling them. They both agreed I should call Brad at Purdue, so I did. It was difficult but it needed to be done because I didn't want him to hear it from anyone else but me.

So, I sat on my basketball court in disbelief for about two hours and then got up and wandered around the house like a zombie. I went over everything in my head from the past months and tried to find out when they missed something, and I was literally driving myself crazy! Time for bed, sleepy head.