The Big Surgery May 17th

Wow, I have really avoided this blog for a while now! Here I am though, back in action!
I have a had a really, really big week that I had to battle through to get to this place, right here, right now.
Monday, May 17th. Surgery at Comm. south Surgery Center. Nice place, Im thinking, I could work here. Hustle, bustle, everyone is around me starting IV's and I had many visitors, some of which, I did not expect, but really appreciated. The Dr. and Anesthesiologist both pop their heads in and say, we dont expect this to be any big deal, and assure Paul and the kids that they will give them small updates throughout the procedure.
Well, you know, I don't do anything normal and without drama! So, in I go. Scared to death. As I am being put under, I remind the Anesthesiologist how to monitor me and the nurses to make sure I look decent and not exposed and to wait to put my catheter in while I'm sleeping. I drifted off.......and I woke up very, very late.

Something was not right. Back up! They injected methylene blue dye into my right nipple x4 places. 12, 11 10 and 9 o'clock. The blue dye uptakes into bad lymph nodes.(by the way, fully awake for this procedure, thank you) OK so when the Dr. gets into the armpit, for which I have been complaining about for a long time now, she is surprised and sickened by what she sees. A cluster of cancer! All together, encapsulated by fibrous tissue and what appears to be no finger like projections ( a good sign). This is a dissection waiting to happen that takes a very long time. Paul and the kids and some visitors are now starting to panic and wonder; What is taking so long?
Dr. comes out and gives everyone the bad news. Paul is a mess and he makes some much needed phone calls. the prayer chains get longer, and I am in total and utter darkness, for awhile.

I wake up at 2am ish. Just Paul and I are in the room. He is running all over, trying to make me feel better. The nurse is showing him how to strip my drains and what not. Pretty much ignoring me. I know something is up. The nurse brings me some crackers and cheese and leaves. Paul is now mine! Cornered, I ask him; "So, what did they end up doing? How was my armpit?" He answers me,"not good" and I throw everything I was eating right at his head and start to cry. "I knew it, I knew it all of these months but everyone thought I was a fucking crazy lady!" He tries to reassure me, but that will not happen. What is next you ask? Hell and torture for me, because I already know what is to come....shit!